Oswald Chambers

Ever since high school, I've picked up "My Utmost For His Highest" and read a few days here and there but nothing consistently. This week, however, the Spirit led a dear friend to e-mail Dani about the entry for October 13 entitled, "Individual Discouragement and Personal Growth." The devotional uses the life of Moses to reveal something profound. Our friend e-mailed Dani to say that this devotional was along the same thought as the sermon I preached on the 12th. However, as I read through what Chambers wrote, it seemed it was exactly what God wanted to share with me this week.

Here are a few passages of note that impacted my life and my mind:

In the beginning Moses realized that he was the man to deliver the people, but he had to be trained and disciplined by God first. He was right in the individual perspective, but he was not the person for the work until he had learned true fellowship and oneness with God.

For the past several months, discouragement and despair have been the prevailing emotions for me. When we started Y-LIFe, I had a ton of dreams and a huge vision that I felt was from God. Now that we're two years into it, I've often thought I was crazy for thinking such things in the first place. Isn't it always so easy to look at the physical circumstances and base our quality of life off of them!

As I read through this devotional, the Spirit began changing my thoughts. He began to show me how much like Moses I've been. Once He began revealing Himself to me a few years ago as my Source of life and what it means to live from my union with Him, I've longed to share this as much as possible. Once I was experiencing His freedom, I couldn't wait for others to taste its sweetness as well.

However, for many months, I've thought I was going to do all of this. The main problem, as Christ has revealed to me this week, is that my belief system continues to carry lies within it. My life was proof of this. When discouragement and despair are consistent emotions experienced in my life, it's a great clue into the reality that I'm living in my flesh.

Chambers also writes, "We may have the vision of God and a very clear understanding of what God wants, and yet when we start to do it, there comes something equivalent to Moses' forty years in the wilderness. It's as if God had ignored the entire thing, and when we are thoroughly discouraged, God comes back and revives His call to us. And then we begin to tremble and say--"Oh, who am I that I should go...?" We must learn that God's great stride is summed up in these words--"I AM THAT I AM... has sent me to you" (Exodus 3:14) We must also learn that our individual effort for God shows nothing but disrespect for Him--our individuality is to be rendered radiant through a personal relationship with God..."

This has encouraged me so much. I know that God never leaves nor does He withhold Himself from me, but I've lived as if He had. All the while, He was with me, encouraging me through difficult circumstances to turn to Him in dependence and allow Him to be my only Source for life, allowing Him to live through me in each moment.

Today, I choose truth. Today, I choose to depend on Him. The last sentence of Chambers' devotional was this:

If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.